Mimicking Raya

I am celebrating my raya here but there are enough Malaysians here to make a small kampung. So it's a different kind of merry but merry enough.

Our pelita are being substitute by solar garden lamps. We needed to find something to light up our garden that exudes the kind of ambience that a pelita would have. That’s the only thing we can use without risking getting a fine from the city council.

All the kuih raya are home made. No more rushing to Subang Parade to queue for the addictive and kindda of pretty blueberry tarts. Or ordering them way before ramadhan starts from enterprising colleagues who make their annual side income selling kuih raya.
Raya shopping has been reduced to venturing to K-Mart instead of to Metrojaya or any other malls even the iconic PKNS.

Raya songs can’t be heard anyway. We have resorted to downloading a bunch of raya songs to ignite the raya mood as channels here only play current and trendy kiwi songs. We have them all..you name it. From P.Ramlee, M.Nasir, Sanisah Huri, DJ Dave, Rafeah Buang, Sudirman right to a 4U2C’s version of raya song. Nothing beats the feeling of listening to raya songs in the car on the way back to our kampongs or in the mall while doing your shopping.

Our berbuka spread will be home made and consist of one main dish and one desert dish every day. Not the plethora of dishes and sweet things you can find at any pasar ramadhan back home.
Our prayers will be called by recorded azan, again downloaded from the net. Our terawih will be among friends and not neighbours or friends from the mosque.

There is no rush to plan to drive back home because this is home and our kampung. Our modern, foreign and new kampung. Which we have called it our own since ten months ago.
When syawal arrives, we’ll be cooking our very own nasi impit instead of the store bought Nona ones. Our traditional costumes will be completed with coats and jackets on top of the normal selendang and songkok. No chapal will be worn as it’s still a bit nippy for us-the foreigners.
Despite of all the efforts to mimic raya here, our hearts are still mourning...
For families in Pondok Upeh Balik Pulau and Ulu Kinta Perak and friends every where.


Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri. Maaf Zahir Batin.

Prayers

I remember when i was young and when i first started praying, i asked dad what do normally people pray for. When they put their hands together and look up, what do they normally ask for. A more specific question is what do I ask for? Dad said that i should “minta diampunkan dosa, dimurahkan rezeki dan dipanjangkan umur”. Somehow it has to be in malay for it to sound humble and sincere and right from the heart. If i translate them then it’ll be “asking for forgiveness(still ok), long life and more money?(You see what i mean?). Anyway, i followed dad’s advice ever since. I always included all the three things in my prayers.
As i got older, the list got longer but the three pillars of my prayers are still there followed by other things as well. When i got married, it was no longer praying for my family, my friends and me. I have added my hubby and his family to the list. Now that i have a child, i pray for her too. In the last couple years, i have started praying for my students. I have added three more things to the original three pillars. I ask that they have good health, happiness and peace. In light of the recent event that has taken place, i have added one more- to keep them safe from harm and of any danger or bad influence. AMin.

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Brothers and Sisters

I love that show (http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/brothers-and-sisters ) Weirdly enough it reminds me a lot of my brothers and sisters and my family. It’s odd on how some of the rituals and traditions set forth in the show were similar to my own. The quirkiness is uncanny and similar to ours. How the news travels from one sister to another brother and ends up that it became public knowledge to whole clan is rather funny in a painful sort of way. How some news were kept from dad and how mom would avoid us like the plague and turn to her sisters when she knows how we would opposed to some issues. During a crisis , we would all be pulled in like a magnet either wholeheartedly or reluctantly or kicking and screaming...our choice but we would be roped in as the magnetic force is too strong to resist. It’s funny and it hits home for me.

I have four brothers and one younger and rather spoilt sister. I guess when you are the youngest in the family, your parents tend to make it up for all the lost things that they failed to do with the older siblings ...and try to do all of it to the youngest one. Anyway, that will be explained in another entry. Don’t get me wrong i love my sister but as the saying goes..Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Anyway...i have four brothers and they are all assembled in their own unique eccentricities that have made them interesting human beings.

One brother is the calm one and hardly ever displays anger or frustration. He smiles and the world smiles with him. He is a charming character and exudes peace and happiness to the clan. He needs us more sometimes but that part of him we have finally embraced. Hmm who can’t resist that smile eh?But he plays his part in the family because he is the music and without him, we won’t be complete.

Another brother of mine is our modern day Cat Steven aka Yusof Islam. He is religious and has a passion for old classical grunge music(i hope i have the genre right..) and plays the electric guitar. How’s that for character? He is reliable and he is all the pillars combined in the family. Without him we would be crippled beyond repair.

Let’s move along to the second youngest one. He is a little different for all of us in terms of his scholastic abilities and interest. We used to joke on how maybe mom might have gotten the wrong baby from the hospital..i know ..a bit cruel...but it was rather funny before. He likes physics and computers...futhermore he is a hacker and can hack into any of our computers at home. He excelled in school in the pure science stream and is paving a way in shaping his own future right know. I am proud of him. He is also the sensitive one and he brings a lot of love to the family. Without him, we would be empty and without meaning.

My younger sister is the most manja one in our family. She gets what she wants when she shows her ‘ fourteen face’(muka empat belas) to my parents. My parents’ pet. But she has her strengths in her own spoilt way. She is a giver, she remembers birthdays and anniversaries and a hit with the nieces and nephew. She displays her love in hugs, kisses and presents. Without her, our family will be in black and white...dull as she is all the colours.

Lastly is my third brother. He is the elusive one. You won’t be able to find him when you want him but spread the word that you need to see him and he’ll pop in front of your house in a jiffy. A bit like the mafia family eh?...ok kidding kidding! I have a soft spot for this dear brother of mind. I guess witnessing him growing up, makes my heart goes gooey whenever i see him and not because he is the only one with asthma in the family but there’s something about him that i just can’t get my hands on it. He is not much of a talker but would go the whole nine yards to help his family and friends. He is a simple guy with no fuss or frills. He is an important part of the family. As in his weird way, he reminds us to be humble and to enjoy the simplicities in life. Without him we would be lost.

I love my brothers and sister as they own some significant places in my heart. In this magical month of Ramadhan , i pray that they are safe, healthy, happy and surrounded by each other and their love ones. I hope they have peace and faith in their hearts, in their quest to perform their duties this Ramadhan. I love all of you very much - Faisal, Haris, Ali, Udin and Jijah.

a long disconnect

Hi!
I knwo it has been ages but i needed to deal with a few obstacles and my own personal demons a couple of months back. I vouched to myself that there'll be no writing until i resolve all of them. Thank God that i have managed to land on my feet again. I thank God for all the strengths and help. So hopefully now i can write regularly. I will just after i finish marking a stack of assignments first. ..take care and chao!

Hannah's tribute to Michael Jackson

Hannah got to know who Michael Jackson was , sadly only on the day he died. She came home from school and saw the news and she excitedly told me “Mummy, Rebecca told me that Michael Jackson had a heart attack”. I asked “Do you know who Michael Jackson is?” Hannah “Nope!”. From that onwards, she has made it her mission to absorb all information she can get about the late Mr Jackson. After 3 days of Michael Jackson on tv (all the tributes and news), she has declared herself a fan. She was dancing every time she hears his song. And the moonwalk...don’t get me started on the moonwalk. At first she called it the “moon dance”. After being corrected at every occasion, she finally calls it the moonwalk. She tried very hard to master the moonwalk, you have to give her credit for trying. After trying for two days, it finally dawns upon her that it will be easier if she wears socks and does the moonwalk in the kitchen on the slippery floor. The carpeted floor just proved to be too hard.

In three days, these are the songs that have become her so called favourites. Most of it started out as Michael Jackson song but after the second verse, it sorta become her very own song. I’ll give you some example:

Man in the mirror:
We were about to sleep and all of a sudden she started singing “...nananana...Man in the mirror!”
Earth Song :
She will be kneeling and with arms open....and started screaming..”Aaaaahhhhaaaaaaa..aaaaaa...aaaaaa, Hoooo...ooooo...oooo...”

Billy Jean:
She will be dancing and twirling when she sings this and she’ll sing “Billie Dreams, not my LOVE!..”

Thriller:
Before she even begins singing, she’ll ask me “Mummy what’s the title of the zombie song...”...

Beat it and Smooth Criminal:
This is my ultimate favourite. She’s so sure that both are the same song and she was so confident that it was Beat up and not Beat it ..... And she sings “Beat up! Beat Up, No you can catch me..coz i’m the smooth criminal!”...

See i told you that it started like the Michael Jackson song and then it became completely her song!

Today , when H and I went to pick Hannah up, we heard the Black and white song sneaked from one classroom. A couple of boys(we are talking about a couple of 7-8 year old here) heard it too and one boy said “hey it’s Michael Jackson..let’s check it out.” Another boy said “who is Michael Jackson”. The other two boys just shook their heads and went ahead to check the music. Hannah told us that the teachers showed them some of Mr Jackson’s videos. Hannah said that she was disappointed because Mrs Wills didn’t show Thriller because she thinks it was too scary for the class.

H and I were kind of intrigued about this whole Michael Jackson craze all of sudden especially with Hannah. So we decided we should ask her why she likes MJ. When i asked her, she said “because he is a great dancer and he can sing really good“. I guess Michael Jackson was an entertainer with a big personality. He has a huge influence on people. I remember my brothers and I grew up listening to his songs(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_Say_Say ). We have had our fair share of the moonwalk ourselves. I guess no matter how controversial he had been or had become, at one point in our lives we were a fan and still is. I am surprise that Hannah showed some interest in him. Forget about the striking fashion faux par of the white socks and black shoes or the glittery jackets or the peculiar behaviour, he is after all a really great dancer and a great singer. So kudos for Hannah for rejoicing to some great dancing and singing:)


http://www.michaeljackson.com/

I miss....

I miss my house. I miss my car. I miss driving and eating at mamak stalls. I miss my office. I miss teaching.I miss lepaking with my friends. I miss mom. I miss my sisters and my brothers. I miss going for my regular facials. I miss Vicky-my beautician. I miss going for my dopamine-induced hair wash- it’s such a stress reliever. I miss going for reflexology. I miss having my frapacino green tea on a warm day. I miss swimming at the Aquatic center. I miss going home to Penang. I miss having massages at Gurney Hotel. I miss eating Penang food. I miss eating all the kueh. I miss my bedroom. I miss getting text messages from my students. I miss cracking jokes and LOL with my colleagues. I miss my monthly outings with my girlfriends. I miss chatting with my students. I miss listening to my Ipod in the car while driving.I miss my car..oops said that already.


I have been missing a lot of things, rituals and people from home lately. Maybe because of this uncertainty that I’m facing right now that has resulted me to be like this. Missing home so much that if my heart got the best of me, I would have gone home…right now. But no…i’m not. I’m staying and facing these head on.


Besides, if I go home then I’ll miss all the magical rainbow sightings from our backyards. There are a lot of them and big, mostly 180degrees ones. I’ll miss my bus rides. I’ll miss walking for miles and miles without sweating. I’ll miss wearing all these stylish jackets that I wouldn’t be able to wear at home without sweating like a mad pig. I’ll miss my knee high boots. I’ll miss reading and writing. I’ll miss the new friends that I’ve made. I’ll miss the family time that I seem to have more than when I’m home. I miss spending time with Hannah. I’ll miss my chats with H. I’ll miss cooking nasi lemak and roti canai or cucuq badak. I’ll miss my well-behaved hair. I’ll miss walking with H and Hannah to the grocery store. I’ll miss speaking with the Kiwi accent.I'll miss walking with Hannah to school. I miss the weekly family outings to morning markets or the beach. *sigh*


I’m a wreck but I thank God that I still have hope and faith. So let me share with you the lyrics of the Fray..You found me. I am into this song right now. The lyrics are meaningful and they speak of being lost and bewildered. H and I talked about it the other day and it was kindda fun having his take on it. I thought it was about a love lost but then it’s not only that but more of admitting defeat and surrendering to the powers that be. It’s also about asking for guidance and faith during bleak times. Feel free to disagree with me..


So here it is…The Fray- You Found Me


I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me



Cheerios! Have a great week everyone!

My Mama

The thing about mothers is that they have a way to just get to you. I think 10 years ...or maybe sooner, my daughter will be tweeting about me as i’m blogging about my mom now. Hmm..karma! Anyway, i’m down in the ditch and i thought talking to mom could make me feel better a bit. It did...believe me, it puts things into perspectives and she’s always on my side. Sometimes i needed to remind myself of that. Especially when we only talk to each other every few weeks and the distance didn’t help as well. The talk with mom was going so well and then she said something....everything went stale. I think those who are close to me know that i am really sensitive when it comes to my family and close friends. I am guilty at reacting first and thinking later. I did that and mom realised it fast and she tried to salvage what’s left of the conversation by changing the topic and talking about dad. Dad has not been well lately and she knows that i’m worried about him. She was really tactful and i almost cried but didn’t because of the abrupt change of topic. See mom knows everything eh...she knows my soft spot and she knows how to pacify. I guess that’s her way of saying that she misses me and wishes that i’m there with her. That’s my way of rationalizing. The conversation ended well despite the minor but could have been a lethal, glitch. But i felt bad after that for being so sensitive but mom knows that i am like that. Only mom knows. They know how to make you happy and how to get to you. They will say things that you thought just to spite you but then their intention is to make you learn.

I’m still learning about life lessons from my mom at this age...how befitting? But mom has this kind of power over you. You can’t stay mad at them for too long. Why? Because you fear of being struck by lighting without any time to repent?Because you know they are right most of the time or at least their hearts were at the right place when they say those “hurtful’ things? Because heaven is underneath their feet? Hmm it sounds better in Malay...i guess because i’m a mom and have had rows with my seven year old all the time. I know it’s really hard to make the right decision all the time but you tried your best to do so. Your only guide is your heart. All moms want the best for their children and will give their lives to save their children. So you do what you think is best at that time for your child. I pray and hope that my relationship with Hannah will continue as it is now till forever, infinity and beyond. We are the best of friends. We can talk more about adult stuff now but not about boys yet! Thank God! She still thinks that they are yuckyJ . I marvel at her anecdotes about the politics of her infantile friendships and her quaint accounts of life. I love her. I love my mum. As i get older, i don’t say as often as i should but i do. I love you Mama and Happy Mother’s day! To all mothers- Have a great and relaxing weekend!

You found me – I love the lyrics to this song.

I am at this juncture of my life that i don’t really know which way to go. I am not sure whether the decision that i am about to make is the right one for me. It feels right now but then i am having goose bumps right now. That’s where my family and friends come in. To help me and guide me to take the right path. I am so thankful for H, Alex, Lisa, Irene and Annie for always being my faithful all day, all weather pillars of strength, support and sensibility. H and i are much much closer than before. He has put my happiness first above all else and I am always thankful for having him in my life. He is so sweet..hehe..anyway, i’ll write about him on the next entryJ or maybe i’ll just twitter. Even Dean came out well in the friendship category by regularly keeping in touch with me and making his signature jokes.

I feel blessed and it surprised me that some new people showed up to help me at making this decision as well. My boss. Hmm..i was surprised but he trusted me and gave me his full support. I am so touched by all this. I’m even in his selected email list for all the inspirational quotes or jokes that he thinks are worth forwarding. It’s so cool having all that now. But i’m still praying that i will get all this resolved soon and start on a new journey.

Ok..talking about friendships and friends i received this email the other day from a close friend. Hmm..i consider her as my close friend. I replied the email and asked her which one am I to her? The shoe fetish friend? She didn’t answer my question but she sent me an email and asked me how i was doing and updated me on what’s going on with her. It’s freezing right now that my fingers are getting really cold and numb. Anyway, since i’’m on the roll right now, i’ll continue until i lose all feelings to my fingers and started writing something like dvhjabfdbqrermx,hfbdf! Then i’ll stop. But for now, coherent sentences are still present so i’m going to continue and present you with the email she sent me.

But wait! About the shoe fetish thing...the funny thing is that we have never gone shoe shopping but we’ve talked about shoes i think. But i know she regards me as one of her closest friends. How i know this was because we clicked and we can talked to each other. The actual milestone was when i received a call from her, i think 4 years ago and i remembered vividly where i was- in the kitchen at my in laws and it was a couple of days before Raya. She was at the lowest point in her life and she called and shared with me her sad news, we both cried and she asked me for help. I did and the rest is details.

I noticed that as we grow older is kindda hard to make friends but if we found one then we’ll click fast and we’ll be friends for many years to come. I met Alex when i started working with the new company five years ago. If i haven’t told you that, you wouldn’t have known because we looked like non-identical sisters. I know all her family members. When her sis came over the other day, i spent a couple of days with her even though back home we have met only once i think but Alex talked about her often enough that i think i know her well. Lisa , i have known since high school. She’s like a sister i never had. I know that in my pursuit to achieve my lifelong goal, i can be along her side to see her twins grow but i know that she knows that i’ll always be right there for her anytime, any day , no conditions or expiry dates to be concerned with. All she needs to do is text me.

Anyway, i have many friends back home and i miss that the most now. But with technology, i communicate through skype, YM, Gtalk and i facebook with them. So i feel closer to them even though in reality they are miles away. Then there are also those that i was close beforebut somehow the ties are weakening by distance. I know I’m important only when something bad happened in that friend’s life and i am needed as a shoulder to cry on. I guess it shows their true colours. Well I’m not perfect but i have always shown to all my friends how much they mean to me. I can be complacent sometimes but i write and call. For the last four months, the mundane consistency of my days has turned me into boring Jane. I need to spark the passion in me and make me me again. I hope the new path brings me home to me. I hope and pray to God for strength and light.

Okay...okay....hold your horses...the email...this is so cool! Have a great nippy weekend everyone!

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE
When I was little,I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

And then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,

God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.

Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'

Another , 'Let's fight together,'Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

Another your shoe fetish,

Another your love for movies,

Another will be with you in your season of confusion,

Another will be your clarifier,

Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

On whatever the occasion,

On whatever the day,

Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,

Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .

Those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..

One from 7th grade,One from high school,

Several from the college years,

A couple from old jobs,

On some days your mother,

On some days your neighbor,

On others, your sisters,

And on some days, your daughters.