History?

I have to write this because it's bugging me. but before that i always believe of starting something with a positive note. Okay, one encounter today that i love and i will treasure forever. Someone i admire, gave me The Sun (the newspaper) and like always, mom said that you have to be polite and say thank you. I did just that and said my thank you. And that person said " i gave you the sun'--every pun intended:) I couldnt help but chuckled and i said" yeah, you did. It's wonderful but my obession has always been with the moon'. Then his comeback was " aaa..haa! but only one person in this world that can give you the moon". With that statement, he smiled and looked at me and i realized and said" yeah..you are right!" I smiled and bid farewell and we both left our own way. It was great meeting him because he always has something nice to say and very witty and cheeky sometimes. I adore him. He is such a good friend. Wish i had known him sooner.After that wonderful meeting, i left for my 2nd meeting of the day. It was to be among the most prominent historians in the country. There were only a couple of occassions where i had felt small and not so bright... and......small... and inadequate in everyway, and after that meeting i have a new addition to the list. I know history is something that you need to know because it says something about you and your origin. It's about you and it is important that you know that by heart because for someone who doesnt know his/her own history is someone who is ignorant in some sense of the word. Unfortunately, i am one of the culprits as well. Since this is my blog then i will explain myself. Since secondary school, my history classes had been dreadful and horrific.My memories of the class were on how terrified i was everytime i entered the history class. We had to memorize all the dates because if we don't know them then we will be pinched. Yep!pinched! so you cannot blame me for erasing that experience and everything else that was associated with that memory.I know i am older now and the internet has overflowing of information including information on history. I will do it, furnish my empty bowl with a bit of history. But i need to create more bowls because when i was 'discussing' one of the major issues(Apparently it was major!) with one of the prominent historians in the country, i found myself to be jotting down more things rather than giving my two cents worth of ideas and thoughts. It was not a nice feeling to have. I realized now that Dad knows more about our history than I and I call myself an academician!Shame on me! Okay...new quest: read more on history!I will start with my own and then move on from there. One consolation that i offered myself at the end of the discussion to save what's left of my pride and ego for that matter was that i can't be mastering in all subjects, i have my specialization and interests and History is just a weeeee bit hard to swallow at times but i need to see it in a new light. Need to!Have to! I dont want to be in ignorance anymore!I find Amir Muhammad fascinating and witty. I love reading his penned down thoughts, maybe i should start with his documentaries.Yeah! I'll do that. But the recent one is banned.Aw Shucks! Never mind, will find some other and books, perhaps. Perhaps!perhaps!Perhaps!(sorry , can't resist!) One of my colleagues have suggested a few supposedly(Positive attitude!young lady!) interesting books in the market that talks about new perspectives of our Malaysian history. Okay, will do that for a start. Enough history. Now in my room, i am enjoying the aftermath of the storm a while ago but somehow my mind has its own storm to fight through. I am a bit restless and a lot of questions suddenly found home in my head. I put the 100% blame to the non-existance of sleep lately and my work. I have been busy. And also my supply of Executive B is finished. I need to get some. It's chaotic!In my mind that is. In the midst of all that, I foudn solace in writing and i wrote this:
One crazy day
My heart is burgeoning with fear, anxiety and sadness
That it risks breaking
My mind is congested with questions, issues, matters needing my attention and solutions that it risks shutting down
My instinct tells me to be an iconoclast and be peculiar
Instead of just fleeing
No amount of Executive Bs can resolve this or
Calm me now Tonight, there’s no moon to seek comfort in.. No stars. Just an empty blank sky filled with questions written in black ink
Only I can see them… Only I can decipher the code that nature has bestowed on me..
Lucky me!
Thousands of questions
Appearing and disappearing before my eyes
None answered.
Just silent screams
Plastered all over the air
I asked myself why
But I am too scared to even attempt to answer
Am I going crazy?
Maybe......