Heart versus mind

The farewell at the airport was like a poisonous wind sweeping through my soul and ripping each inch of it as it moves past me. I was so in control at the beginning seeing Alex and her family, Mimy drove all the way from Melaka and i saw Sherry and her family. Irene and Alvin came too with Timmy. Nelly and her family came too. My family was there and so were my in-laws. When i hugged Alex, the tears started pouring and she cried too. It was hard. We hugged each other for a few minutes and sobbing. Then i hugged my mom-in-law. I cried even harder, she came all the way to send me off and they brought me cake. A yummy one from Secret recipe to celebrate my birthday in advance. It was so sweet of them. I hugged her and she kissed me so many times and she cried too. Then i hugged everyone else and they cried. I went to my dad and kissed his hand and he hugged me. It didn’t hit me until i was off the plane and in Auckland then only i realized that was my first adult hug from dad. Mom cried and my sisters cried. My sayang didn’t but it was really hard for him and i can feel it. Hannah was ok but when i was at the immigration, H called me and asked me to look up. When i did, i saw a group of them hovering from the glass top looking down at me. Then my eyes caught up with Hannah and she was sobbing. That breaks my heart. She was calling out “mummy’. I talked to her and tried to pacify her but she kept on crying. I cried all the way to plane. My eyes hurt. Another thing that hit me was that all happened in the full view of my students and Dean. How embarrassing! I sms those who sent me off and Alex said that she missed me. I missed her too. The good thing is that there’s someone here named Alex. I haven’t met her yet but i doubt she’ll be like Alex.Auckland is like Perth but colder. So far the Malaysians here are really nice and friendly. An older couple picked me up from the airport and took me to their house for lunch before sending me to Rosie’s. I’m staying with Rosie and she’s nice. I need to get a place of my own soon because i can’t be a guest in someone’s house too long. I miss everyone a lot especially Hannah and H. I miss the familiarities and the comfort of home and warm arms. It’s cold here and it’s suppose to be summer but i like the idea of not sweating and how my hair feels silky smooth due to the lack of humidity. My heart yearns to be home and to run back to all the familiar hugs, kisses and smiles. But my mind asks me to be sensible and to start thinking about the future and to consider all hopes bestowed upon me to continue my studies not forgetting my lifelong dream to get a doctorate. there's a malay saying that goes " if you follow your heart you die" well..harsh i know but that's what you get for literally translating it. But if you turn to our western counterpart, they encourage you to follow your heart because that's where your strength lies. One good example if the lyrics of the song 'Just stand up for Cancer" that goes like this " If the mindKeeps thinkingYou've had enoughBut the heartKeeps telling youDon't give up".The heart it seems is the source of hope and strength as the song sings "The heart is strongerThan you thinkIt's like it can goThrough anythingAnd even when you thinkIt can't it finds a wayTo still push on". It was a hectic and deafening debate but i’m taking the middle road. I’ll use the aching of my heart to actually drive me forward and get my mind to keep it real when my heart starts to dominates. I miss u and everyone at home but i’m anxiously looking forward for what is in store for me here. I am hoping for something great, amazing.adventurous and gratifying. All that said, i’m still a little numb, scared and bewildered. I hope things will work out great. In the meantime,I love my campus. It looks ancient and it’s right smack in the city. The contradiction is very attractive. I walked a lot today by myself. I told Rosie to let me be and armed with the campus map i walked and found my way to the housing accommodation services, to the library and of course the business school. In the library, i picked a corner table and sat down. My gastric has been bugging me since day one. It must be the stress, the goodbyes and the anticipation all rolled into one big giant gas. Anyway, i have some herbal remedy that will heal it soon and also i need to be positive. All this negativity is giving me gas. I wasn’t thinking about anything. I have been numb but i know subconsciously i was because those negative thoughts have manifested into weird scary dreams. Anyway, at the business school, Susan wasn’t around today and will only be back tomorrow so i couldn’t get into my cubicle yet. The business school is modern and suits the characteristics it wants to portray. The graduate studies building is hidden behind a huge old tree and it’s made by white brick and full of character. I love the fusion of modern and classic architectural design splashed all over the buildings in the campus. I walked to the city by myself and went to the Bank of New Zealand to open an account. Why BNZ? Well nothing about they don’t charge you any fees on most services or they can also give you a savings account and a checking account. No...none of that. It’s the name. I’m in New Zealand and i want to open an account where i’m at and currently in New Zealand. When i was in Perth, i had an account, well in fact still have an account with BankWest – Bank of Western Australia. Not ANZ or the National Bank but BNZ. I’m a simple girl. I go for the name. But somehow the service i received today was good and the banker was very helpful and friendly. I bought some groceries and juices and headed home. Saw more unique buildings here. I went home had lunch and got a quick nap until i was awaken by a welcoming and much awaited sms