Smelling air

Hi there, I was talking to a friend about the smell of the air around you. In Malaysia you can smell it but I realized something here, the air just doesn’t smell at all. That's the peculiarity which I have mistaken it as a distinctive difference but it's not really. It's just that it doesn’t smell. It's cold and it makes your nose runny but it doesn’t smell. The no-smelling air personifies as something fresh, clean and refreshing but maybe it’s not. But I have to say this though, it’s cleaner than Malaysian air because I don’t see or smell fumes or smoke. I smell nothing. Only in the spring in Australia I can smell the trees. At first I thought someone around me was wearing ‘minyak angin’(air oil- literally translated) as a perfume but then when I went outside of the classroom and as I was walking to the carpark with Katherine, I can still smell it. There’s no way a mat salleh can be wearing a minyak angin so I asked her whether she smells the smell. Then she told me it’s the trees and how wonderful the smell was. I began appreciating the smell after that. Summer in Australia is hot, really hot. But in the Spring is great. It’s still a little cooler but the sun shines bright. It’s the opposite here in Auckland. The summer is bright and sunny accompanied by very cold wind. The contradiction, I think I can live with. The picture above I took in the city in front of Hannah’s store. I just can’t help it. I miss her so much. I talked to her through Skype last night and she was trying to let me smell her breath, which usually stinks but I couldn’t smell anything. It made me cry. I want to touch her, kiss her and just hug her but I couldn’t. It’s so frustrating but patience is a virtue. I’m going to be happy to be able to see her laugh and smile. To also be able to hear her chattering, that will keep me going for now. I am chirpy and smiley around the people here because I don’t want them to see me as a sour puss. But inside, I’m scared, still bewildered, bemused, lonely and sad. I’m not whole, there are parts of me missing and it’s really torturing to put out a smiley face when that’s the last thing that you are feeling right now. But I know I’m strong and I will get through this and everything will be great and wonderful. Everything is great and wonderful now but I just can’t enjoy it. Something about not being whole somehow prevents me from being me and from living. I want to start living and I hope I can do that soon… I want you inaianei. It means I want you now and i miss you so much sayang.